Chris Gratigny

From time to time, I work with people who rub me the wrong way just a little. I'm sure that I rub people the wrong way. This is a reality, not everyone will be a pleasure to work with. If you are able to work with people that you really enjoy working with and naturally get along great with, that's awesome! I've found that, like my marriage, work relationships are rewarding and take time. The longer you work with people, the greater the chance of finding something that you don't see eye to eye on. Lets pretend I'm working with Susan, and she really frustrates me. We just rub each other the wrong way, and she recently did something that made my blood boil. I'm sitting at my desk, pondering what action I should take. Do I phone, email, or go talk to her. I want to do something, because what she did isn't right! Before I continue, I want to introduce Xavier. I work with Xavier on a day to day basis, and we tend to agree on most things. We do butt heads from time to time, but overall I find him quite pleasant to work with. Back to sitting at my desk. I'm fuming, yet I know I can't do or say anything while in this state of mind. To begin to clear my head, I think, "how would I word this if I was to talk to Xavier" and "how would I feel if Xavier did this to me."  I start to calm down a little. I think, Xavier wouldn't do this on purpose. Maybe Susan didn't do this on purpose....? Maybe Susan didn't do this on purpose. Maybe I should ask her if she meant to do what I thought she ended up doing. Much more calm, I decide to phone Susan. I hope she's available, because I want to get this over with.

"Hi, this is Susan" she responds cheerily. "Do you have a minute?" I ask. "Sure" Susan responds. "Great. I wanted to connect with you about this morning.  When you said X I felt like you were blaming me. Is that what you meant to do?"   I say, not sure if I hope for her to respond and say she didn't mean to blame me, or if I want her to say she blamed me so I can prove her wrong. Ha. I know she's wrong. I wait for her response... "Oh, that's not what I meant at all! I'm so sorry you took it that way. I'll email the other meeting attendees so they know I wasn't meaning to blame you! I'm so sorry. Can I buy you a coffee soon to make this up to you?" responds Susan. I sigh. Phew. Maybe she isn't a bad person after all. I'm so glad I didn't blame her. I respond, "Thanks for the clarification, and I'd love coffee. " After that, we say goodbye and hang up.

After hanging up, I sit back and sigh. Wow, I could have just put my foot in my mouth if I handled that differently. Maybe we can work together after all. I'm looking forward to coffee with her, maybe I was hearing her wrong all along! In this fictional story I've relayed something that happens over and over again in life. It can be easy to put people in a "box", to not enjoy working with them and think that they're trying to run you over. When you ask them if that's what they meant to do, it often isn't what they meant to do. They didn't mean to run you over, it was a mistake. I can say that, from time to time, people will run you over on purpose. When you ask about it later, they may just lie to you about it as well. How can you tell when people are lying? They will run you over again, and they usually don't apologize as profusely as the other people. When lying or covering themselves, people tend to be defensive, and explain what they were saying. When people are truly sorry, they apologize and ask what they can do next time - and take action to insure that they didn't leave any messes. What can you do? It doesn't matter if people lie to you, or tell you the truth. When working with people who frustrate you and you are about to make a fool of yourself and confront them. Don't do it. Try out these simple steps.

1. Sit down.
2. Think, what if one of my friends said this, what would I do?
3. When calm, talk to the perpetrator to find what they meant.
4. Treat yourself to a break or a pat on the back. Be glad you aren't eating shoe.